


Unfortunately Uhura Doesn't Speak Idiot

by jumpingintothings



Category: Star Trek
Genre: F/M, M/M, Petty, Revenge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-10-26 15:31:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10789485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jumpingintothings/pseuds/jumpingintothings
Summary: In a lot of stories in the Star Trek fandom when Spock cheats on Uhura with Kirk she calmly stands aside. This is not one of those stories





	1. "Fuck the Captain" wasn't advice

Here's a tip. When beginning an affair on a starship, a few options should be considered off limits:  
1) The captain of your ship  
2) The first officer of your ship  
Unfortunately, the chain of command on the starship Enterprise lacked knowledge of these very basic rules, resulting in what could only be described as a catastrophic example of why such rules should be followed. Linguists aren't often considered scientists, but this assumption forgets just how much this field depends on studying human nature. This includes developing hypotheses on behaviors resulting in the creation of words. For example, Uhura had previously observed that a lack of emotions exhibited direct correlation to a lack of emotional intelligence. This hypothesis had been given support when she caught her boyfriend, Spock, the _wonderful_ boyfriend who would _never_ cheat because it wouldn't be _rational_ , engaged in a very elegant game of tonsil hockey with the captain. It was almost funny that in the end Spock, and not the ever infamous James T. Kirk, was the whore in this situation. She hypothesized in that very moment that the 20th century Terran phrase "Fuck you" had originated to address situations just like this.  
When she cleared her throat, the captain turned around and began to stutter very rapidly, she made note of another fact. The phrase "This isn't what it looks like" is usually in direct contradiction with the tone of the speaker. The heightened pitch of the voice, along with tense,closed in body language itself clearly indicated that the speaker was very much afraid of the situation: common indication of guilt. Spock, however, was far better at displaying a neutral response, and simply told Uhura that the only rational thing to do would be to “officially end their relationship”.  
To keep herself from screaming, Uhura had to shove her rage so far down that her eyes began to water from the concentration it required. But she was successful, so successful that Kirk seemed to think she was crying out of sadness rather than anger. He reached out towards her, but Uhura carefully stepped back. If he touched her now she didn’t trust herself not to shove Spock's lyre up his ass.  
Instead, she turned and walked away, ignoring Kirk’s calls after her. As she walks she began to think of how she would take her revenge for this betrayal. When Sulu answered the door and promptly reached out to hug her upon seeing her tears, she couldn’t help but share news of the romantic treachery of the command crew with her now-closest friend on the ship.  
“Spock and Kirk. They, I saw them—”. She tried, choking on the words. For once in her life, Nyota Uhura didn’t know how to complete a sentence.  
The look of anger on Sulu’s face told her that he didn’t need her to finish.“Those bastards”, he muttered, pulling her further into his room and guiding her to sit. “After all you’ve done for them.” She just let the tears stream down her face, and continued to do so as multiple crew members swung by to see what was wrong. She let Sulu tell them the tale, and witnessed how angry they all were on her behalf. They all cried, “and after all that she didn’t even say a word to them! How could they be so unfeeling?! Spock we expected, but not the Captain”  
Uhura knew very well that this anger by the crew would lead to a break in communication, something that would be egged further by the fact that the communications officer was the victim of the crime and she certainly would not try to halt it. It was then she realized that the _best_ way to get revenge would be to do _nothing_. Words spoken behind their backs, words that would grow the worse by the day, words that would break cooperation. That was the most poetic revenge she could think of. Her mother was wrong about her never getting a chance to use her degree in poetry.


	2. Oh Honey, You Can Be Stupid All By Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or Uhura doesn't need constant updates on how stupid Kirk and Spock are

The most unfortunate part of being petty was that it made people think you care. Uhura’s experiment had been designed to last a couple of weeks at most: to date it had been 6 months, 2 weeks and 3 days. She knew this because of the tally she had begun on the day of the breakup counting all the times people offered their sympathies. The disrest directed toward Spock and the Captain had been thought of, even desired. But the outright pity that began as a trickle, and turned into a pour was unexpected.  
Every time a crew member turned to her on deck (also known as, “whenever Spock and the Captain engaged at all”), she had told them she was fine. Even basic commands regarding the Enterprise gained her sympathetic eyes. She had assumed it would affect their work, but she had never dreamed to this extent.  
Add to this the fact that the star-crossed lovers had begun to blame her for their struggles. Spock’s tone had an edge to it which had to be intentional coming from him. She knew from first-hand experience that he must have calculated the exact degree of incivility that would allow him to express his discontent while simultaneously remaining professional. Kirk, however, had been far more emotional in his behavior. He had begun to snap orders at her, as well as mentioning how her work had become distracted as of late. Uhura gritted her teeth and accepted this criticism, and completely ignored the looks of sympathy from the other crewmembers, and even those of rage directed towards Kirk.  


She felt herself slowly going insane

As a child, it had been her dream to be an officer on a ship like the Enterprise. She had pursued a her degree in xenolinguistics against her parents wishes, specifically in order to gain a position such as this. She had fought to be top of her class at the academy by studying, every single night. She did this while maintaining a full and active social life, a social life which served to further illustrate her interpersonal skills, and thus potential as a communications officer.  
She had fallen in love with Spock, but he had been the rational choice, the stuff at the Academy excepted he was an officer of a similar rank, though slightly higher who like her had disconnected from his family. She could have intelligent conversations with him about almost anything. He was perfect. He made her want to be even more perfect. She looked at him out of the corner of her eye during Alpha shift and tried to remember why it had gone wrong. Kirk’s angry glance at her made her turn away shocked that he displayed such emotion on shift. It was then she realized that she had become so emotionless only because she thought Spock would approve. She had slowly devolved all her social graces into becoming as perfect as he seemed to be.  
But Kirk's angry gaze ran counter to her hypothesis  


  
Spock had fallen in love with a _stupid_ , _reckless man_ that she had once thought was her friend.  
The friend that she’d laughed with about the emotionless of Vulcans.  
The friend she had pitied when he had once again made a social gaffe.  
The friend that by all logic, shouldn't be captain  


So she concluded soundly that her hythesis was not supported. James T. Kirk was definitely not compatible with Spock and yet he had chosen him, when by all rights she was better for him.  
Spock had been the more emotional one for once, she realized as she fell in bed exhausted after yet another shift full of tension she wished she had no part in creating.  
And she was tired of playing with emotions she didn’t even think she had.  
That’s why the next day she followed the protocol for resigning from the ship, and secured a position on another vessel.  
Sulu begged she reconsidered. He said that the Captain and the First Officer should resign rather than her.  
She realized how far she let the game progress when he said that. She patiently explained the utter improbability of such a thing ever happening and how much easier it would be to leave the ship. When he pressed on, she just lied that she would rather not deal with the memories of the ship. A lie she believed so little she was surprised when Sulu agreed with her and decided to resign as well.  
Then again, Sulu had begun to surprise her a lot recently.  
When she was dating Spock, he had been just another face on the bridge, but now he was her confidant. She had spent hours with him, hours she didn’t have the luxury of when her only thought was conforming to a perfection she thought Spock wanted of her. But Sulu didn't care about her perfection. He seemed just genuinely interested in being her friend.  
He fenced with her, and was one of the only people on the ship that had stopped mentioning the "Captain" and "First Officer" with her almost every sentence. Instead, they drank coffee, discussed cultural traditions of the early 21st century, and had fun.  
Something Uhura hadn’t had in a while.  
Part of the reason she had become so jaded, was that time with Sulu made her realize that her life didn’t have to be what it had become lately; a constant reminder of how quickly a brief foray into insanity could affect one’s life. So she convinced her friend Sulu to also take a position on the new vessel, and this time wasn't surprised when a couple others on the ship followed his lead.  
But it was for the better, now she and the rest of the ship could finally move on. Anything that happened now wasn’t part of the revenge, but another chapter of Spock and Jim being stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lowkey this has taken a long time and it's still not fully edited. Whoops?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uhura just wants to do her job

“Uhura?”  
She swiveled her chair around to face the captain. “Yes Ma’am?”  
The captain chuckled, “It’s too late on alpha ship for you to be so formal.”  
“ Meaning it’s too late for me to forget the manners the academy instilled in me. Sorry captain- I meant Fitzgerald” Uhura loosened her shoulders and tried to remember she didn’t have to be so perfect anymore. “You had a question for me, right?”  
“Oh I almost forgot. You transferred from the Enterprise right?” Fitzgerald was looking down at her padd, reading yet another report, so she couldn’t have noticed Uhura spine stiffening.  
“Yes, why?” She must’ve let the shock change her tone, because Fitzgerald actually looked up from her reports with confusion.  
“Is something the matter? I know you transferred onto this ship pretty quickly, but I thought you just wanted a more stationary vessel.”  
“It’s just been a while since anyone mentioned the name to me. But please do go on.”  
Fitzgerald gave her a look of concern but continued “We’re meeting up with them to refuel their supplies. Are you sure you’re okay?”  
Uhura knew from her 3 years of experience of working under Fitzgerald that she was fiercely protective of her crew. The Starcatcher was her family. And any sign of her past with the Enterprise would warrant at least an hour long conversation (therapy session), and definitely some hugging(the type of hug that left you gasping for breathe).  
So she just nodded.  
“Good. Because they also require a translator and you know you’re one of the best.”  
Uhura slightly regretted not telling her then; but it had been 3 years. How bad could it actually be?

Bad. It could be really bad. 

She had been on the Enterprise for approximately 5 minutes when ‘Captain’ Kirk demanded a translation of the native’s communication.  
A communication in a language that was not only unfamiliar to Uhura, but also a language that only had a slight resemblance to one that Uhura had barely had access to during Freshman year, as it was in a family of languages that hadn’t thoroughly been studied due to problems accessing speakers as a result of the First Directive. She requested more time with the communication, for obvious reasons, and Captain Kirk actually stormed off the deck.  
She wondered if this was just a terrible nightmare. The consternated look on the Fitzgerald’s face was the only proof that she wasn’t dreaming this. Fitzgerald, raised her eyebrows, and mouthed “You’ll explain later” and then hurried after Captain Kirk.  
This of course left her with alone with the third highest ranked person on the ship.  
Spock.  
If the circumstances had been different this would have been useful. Spock’s experience in xenolinguistics was extensive to say the least. But Spock also got unnervingly factual when annoyed. The last time they had worked together he had insisted on correcting her entire translation due to a punctuation error.  
They didn’t have time for him to be that persnickety. There was an interaction on the planet that was rapidly becoming a hostage situation and weirdly enough that left little time for the particulars of periods to actually be a matter of primary concern.  
So she just worked silently on the transmission and asked the communications officer that had been appointed after she resigned to see if there were any noticeable trends in hostage situations of tribes of this type. All while Spock somehow managed to look over her shoulder while being more than 4 meters away.  
She worked steadfastly, and after about 3 hours had managed to come up with a passable response to the communication in the form of trading 3 boxes of produce, and 1 sword for the hostages. Kirk had returned at about hour 2 with Fitzgerald at his heels, and the glare that he had been steadfastly aiming at her seemed to hesitantly relax with the return of the hostages. He even managed to grudgingly thank her at the end, something clearly forced upon him by Captain Fitzgerald (using the look that had earned her the nickname ‘Captain Steel’)  
That did nothing for Uhura, as her emotions for the last few hours could better be described as uncomfortable, and this did nothing to make it better.  
The fact that Captain Fitzgerald promptly filed a report about the impropriety of Kirk’s behavior just made her feel even more anxious (the five minute hug and the promise to “make it right” she had been given by Captain Steel, after hearing about how she had earned the hatred of Spock and Kirk also didn’t help).  
The look that Sulu gave her when she recounted the whole thing once she returned to the Starcatcher just confirmed her fear that this was only going to make the whole situation worse. Just when she thought she had finally escaped it.  
This time Uhura did have words and it was “Qu'vatlh”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Qu'vatlh- Too many tasks too little time (or Uhura's way of saying the people around her are making a new mess before she's EVEN FINISHED cleaning up the last one)

**Author's Note:**

> Literally me being petty about how much Uhura gets cheated on and what I wish would happen instead of her passively giving way to it. Also side note I tagged this petty because it's a revenge fic. Don't like it don't read it?


End file.
